Here at Donor By Design, we value “telling the kind truth.” It’s even one of the core things we believe.
Recently, we got a chance to hear Joseph Grenny, co-author of “Crucial Conversations,” talk about the importance of addressing issues directly, but with respect and empathy.
Grenny pointed out that many of us learn the lesson very early in life that you have to choose between telling the truth and keeping a friend. We learn to agree or artfully dodge a question in order to avoid conflict and stay in harmony with those people who are important to us.
While practicing some diplomacy when it comes to a friend’s fashion choice is probably a good idea, avoiding a crucial conversations in our families and workplace will causes major issues and irreparable damage.
Are there crucial conversations you need to have?
- Are you stuck? Chances are, there’s a high-stakes, emotionally-charged issue at the heart of it that you’ve been unwilling to discuss.
- Do you expect disagreement going in to a conversation? How does that change your attitude?
- When you find yourself getting defensive, ask yourself if it’s the content of the conversation bothering you, or the (perceived) intent of the person you’re talking to.
Grenny coached us on two things to do to help others hear* you when in a crucial conversation.
- Establish mutual purpose. “I care about your goals/interests. I want you to succeed / be happy.”
- Establish mutual respect. “I care about you, and this relationship/partnership.”
By setting that ground work, your intent is clear, and the person you are in conversation with has a better chance of being able to listen to what you say without feeling threatened or belittled.
When done right, a crucial conversation can move a relationship forward, rather than being a roadblock to greater trust.
So, what conversation do you need to have?
* Note that this will help you HEAR each other, not necessarily AGREE with each other.
